I am in a hotel room with the artist twins Jane and Louise Wilson. They are showing me their work- a dialogue in photos, collage and video- but which relates to all kinds of subject matter beyond themselves. It is both intensely personal and universal. My own little drawings pale into insignificance."I just feel like I am creating a series of monologues. I wish I were a twin like you."They laugh because it is obviously not easy being a twin like them- it is fraught with little jealousies. "Yes I know that's nonsense," I add, "we are all capable of dialogues within and beyond ourselves." One jumps on top of me - she is now a curvaceous black woman- she hugs me suggesting we go for a drink. I go to hug the other thinking I should but she shrugs me off, "You don't have to treat us both the same. We are two separate people."
I am travelling on the tube. A friend jumps on carrying bundles of shopping, "I'm getting out at the next stop for the music shop," he tells me. The shop looks exciting but my friend accidently leaves his shopping behind. As the train departs I mime to him that I will get out at the following stop. Not sure he has understood. There is a huge bag of apples, a sack of other fruit, loads of paperwork and some body building powders. I only manage to drag half of it off. Will I have to pull the emergency cord? Is this a legitimate emergency? It seems so to me but I am not sure the authorities would agree.
For two months I will stay here in New Jersey visiting some friends in a beautiful house on stilts. Half of it is empty, the windows without glass. Out of one window I can see the rest of the town - unusual buildings with second floors that seem to hover in the air. They are in fact fixed by metal brackets to a huge white wall surrounding everything. I like the design - the rest of the town I am unsure of - everything seems too perfect.
The weather is mild. I am walking in a muddy field I think in Balham except there is no housing. In front is an old swimming pool- outdoor- or at least it is now. A man walks down into it on steps concealed by the thick mud. I follow him. The pool seems too shallow to swim in. I am not sure I want to get in. I climb back out again.
I am expected to deliver a speech on An End To Nuclear Weapons to the audience in a club. The speakers before me were scarcely able to put two words together. The old chairman is doing his best but the night is a shambles. I tell him I will speak next, "Give me five minutes to sort out my notes." Of course I don't have my notes, so I panic. Although I have given this talk before I can't remember anything. I have pictures but what do they represent? I decide I can't give the talk so I hide under the floorboards. I tell one of my old schoolfriends I am going to sneak out.
A friend's new cabaret show is a list of awful gags that are not funny at all. He endlessly repeats (the late) H.R.H.Regina Fong's impression of Cilla Black, milking it dry. The small audience however seem to enjoy it to the extent that one boy works with him to refilm "Tarzan and the Ape". In this version a rabbit is perched on Tarzan's shoulder twitching its nose.
Is this the West Ham Unit? I ask Alice. We have been divided into three groups and I am reluctant to join any other. Yes I am in the right unit. I am thrilled. The room is full of students' exquisite work. Big glass cases display hundreds of identical objects in compartments like a sweet shop display or an old fashioned builders merchants. My favourites are delicate drawings like kaleidoscopic spiders' webs. I want my work to be as detailed and fine- I wonder if I can manage it in the time.
Nothing remembered.
John Maybury is showing some of his old films. This one shows an early clip of him interviewing Ronald Reagan after a scene where Reagan is shot. John F. Kennedy and I quickly wipe away the blood from the pavement for decency's sake. Throughout the interview John is charming almost like he is a good friend. He addresses the camera directly using exaggerated gestures. As he watches the footage with me he tells me he feels a bit uncomfortable about it now.
I find out that my home is built on a vast net of wellington boots, camouflaged to appear like a craggy cliff. My partner lives here with me in the middle of a landfill site by the sea - he is a hybrid conjured up from (long dead) Kev and a couple of other unrequited loves. He munches on a chocolate donut made from wellies. Parallel to us hangs another fake cliff. This is all we can afford. I know we should move - it's all far too precarious. Having said that, we have made this our home and it's the best we could improvise from what is an imperfect situation.
I remember nothing of this dream but wrote the following in my notebook in the middle of the night:6 Ways To Tell A Story When You Are Away1 Straightforward Tale2...3 As a meal4 Accident
In a chaotic courtroom resembling something by Hogarth, I am to take part in a conference with three other artists. The main speaker and my old college tutor stand half way up the stairs trying to make themselves heard above the jazz blasting out of the sound system. I raise my hand, "This is an obvious point," I say, "but wouldn't it be better if the music were turned off?" The DJ kids are indignant- it is there to create an informal atmosphere. But they do as they are bid, and now the speaker can be heard clearly. Except he stands and says nothing. He is not tonguetied. His "talk" is about listening to the silence.
In an orchard the apples are ricocheting off the trees at every angle, bouncing off any surface like charged atoms.
An archway covered with brightly coloured flowers frames a distant garden.
My head teacher has gone out of his way to arrange an early interview for me. This will practically guarantee me a college place. I have agreed to go with an old schoolfriend and M, one of my learning disabled students. M doesn't turn up so I go round to his house aware that we are losing time. I phone him telling him that it's getting late. When he eventually answers, he moans, "Oh what's the point, we won't get in anyway - its' such a stupid system. We'll never get an interview." I am furious, "You have made me late and now you're not even coming!" I can hear his mum in the background- "Is that Robin? Wish him a happy birthday..."
The Ricki Lake Show is being held in a vast arena. Next on are the Jackson 5. They storm into the space on motorbikes, slick and aggressive, initially making out they were too good to appear on the show. They enter again but this time from the ceiling as fluffy toy spiders. When we see them in closeup they are all white and middleaged- a bit like the Wurzels - gulping down beer (or is it tea?) from their pint glasses.
I have to get one of my special needs clients up to the top floor of a castle to complete this exercise. The way up is through the stone fireplace but I know he will panic and besides he's far too big to fit through. I complain about the lack of access stating that it is akin to banning him from joining in. The castle keeper takes me upstairs and lifts up two trap doors cut into the wooden floor. "He can come up in the lift," he tells me.
Something about counting ducks... I am flying around a winter park about two foot above ground level. There are jonquils in the flower beds.
Can't remember any of last night's dreams.
A group of boys about 13 years old. A field in summer. We focus on one boy (let's call him X) and his slightly older brother who are about to join the others. X is diffident, unwilling to play ball. One mysterious boy keeps beckoning to him but there is an inevitability about X's moves. His brother knows that at some time in the future he will kick a FOOTBALL and it will permanently damage X. X makes to move towards the ball, the brother kicks it and it bounces off X's head causing him to lose the sight in one eye. The brother decides this has nothing to do with the premonition because it is the wrong kind of ball.
