Alan Turing Erotica

A paper covered in diagrams which reduce obscene erotic acts to mathematical formulae.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alan_Turing

Lairy Couple

I'm sitting in the luggage compartment of an old-fashioned train watching a mother and her teenage son playing together in the next carriage. They fight and he pulls a plastic bag down over her head. Their behaviour becomes more raucous and erotically charged. I realise she is not his mother but must be an older girlfriend.

Dangerous Assignation

After 20 years K has come back to life and has a romantic date with an Algerian soldier from the enemy camp.

K is nervous -  he knows it could also be a military trap.  He takes my mobile and a bottle of a substance called AMMO.   It is so thoughtless of him to take the mobile into such a risky environment. I am furious about it.

Forbidden Juice

Dad explains that when I was a kid I had been desperate for this string of sweet juice that I thought was sex energy. I was mad to have it, but I'd misbehaved so it was being kept from me. He said it was just Ribena, but I remember it as this concentrated solution of yellow Space Dust and sherbet lemonade steeped in tobacco tins.

A Fine Scooter But How Does It Start?

B has a neat little scooter parked on a steep hill in Chelsea. She can't get it to start or the brakes won't work. We set off and she crashes into an expensive car crushing it. 

Further downhill nothing is working properly. A young lad on another scooter stops to help - you are wearing the wrong kind of shoes, he advises.

The two of them start to caress each other - I tell him to move on which he does rolling sensuously over a youth and his girlfriend.

Pink Lips and Dead Mice

I am stopped in the street by three straight lads, "Come to our party, come on, I'll kiss you on the lips, " one says jokingly.  

"OK," I challenge him and he does and his lips are pink and wet and lovely.

We step over piles of dead mice. So many mice everywhere.

Corpse In the Boot

We are on the run- this woman and I. A corpse is concealed in the boot of our car- not that we did anything wrong but it could all be so badly misconstrued. 

Our adventures take us from Surrey into Berlin, where the cops pull us over. We lose them in a noisy procession racing past orgiastic scenes from Hieronymous Bosch - it all looks very appealing but we have no time. Someone offers us a hiding place in South America. 

Life is exciting.

A Moral Choice

From my window I can see a young man driving a digger through awkward country tracks. An accident happens. I signal that I will bring down my first aid kit but by the time I arrive his hand is bandaged.

The digger is a right off.  What should he do?

I think for a moment and say, if you do a runner you will always worry that you will get caught. He decides to stay.

Eventually his boss turns up in a tiny tractor- a friendly old boy who acknowledges how difficult it is to manoever around these lanes. 

Stupid Game

I have come to meet Penny who is down on the beach. The Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, is playing golf high up on the cliff edge.  He looks very in shape - strong freckled back and tight shorts over rugby player thighs.  I want to avoid him, but inevitably the ball gets hit over the ridge.

"Can you throw us the ball back, Penny?" he shouts down. I'm impressed he knows her name. She tosses it badly so that it lands by my feet. I notice it is old and cracked. I can't go on hiding now- he's bound to see me. I step out to chuck it back although I hate throwing balls because I am so crap at it.  

"If you don't mind my saying, Prime Minister," I comment, "playing golf on the edge of a cliff seems a little bit stupid."

The New Neighbour

A handsome man has moved into the downstairs flat- he's a film producer I think. D, a pushy acquaintance from my past, and another overbearing friend start to monopolise his time. There is major competition for this man's attention - I don't have a leg to stand on. After I have been sent off to collect something unimportant I find D in the newcomer's place. I lie to him and tell him that the newcomer and I had become very intimate.

Russian Epic

This is told like a great nineteenth century Russian novel, so it's a bit longer than usual.
The protagonist (occasionally me) is a professor in his early 50's. As the last of his students leaves his dark study, one young beautiful man, Dmitri, remains. The professor gazes at him and somehow they end up making love. This of course is totally illegal.
Outside in the snow, a massive bearded man with an impossibly wide back, his head tiny in proportion, returns to his apartment - for this study is his room. Strange, he thinks, he can hear no music from within: Dmitri must be sleeping. Quietly he unlocks the front door with its folding inner panel, and then enters his flat. We next hear such shouting and then cut to an interior view where Dmitri, an older and darker man, hurls the professor from the bedroom into the cold. The poor man stands in -20 degrees with no shoes and socks on. "How can I travel to my conference tomorrow?" he sobs.
There is some confusion in the narrative here because he is now standing on the booted feet of young Dmitri, his arms around him. "I love you, Dmitri. You can never love me, but I just want you to be my fancy man."
After the commotion the author, a sensitive woman, appears in a walk-on role as a waitress. She leaves a small bill in neat handwriting for the flan that was consumed, adding as an aside, "Here I used one of my favourite french flans."

Lure Of The Trickster

I meet a young man who I am attracted to. We have bonded well but he seems a bit unsure of me. On his bare back is a list of all his past lovers arranged in a grid in red and black lettering. Numbers 1 to 3 are vague . One woman's name appears at number 4- "May", then "husband to..." At numbers 6 to 7 or is it 7 to 8 the word SCHICKSTER is emblazoned twice. I know this name is special. A line is drawn under each and a space left at the bottom at 9.



The word "schickster" I know is made up of "trickster" and the german "Schicksal" (=fate).

The Sensitive Punk And The Violent Skinhead

A punk in the 70's is set upon by two brutal skinheads. The punk writes about the experience. He is forced to leave home and move to the Scottish Highlands to get away from the thugs who continue to pursue him. He lives there for 20 years, a bit of a hermit, writing constantly. One of the skinheads is no more and the other comes searching for the punk. This skinhead needs him badly. When he finds him he picks a fight which becomes sexual. Perhaps in some strange way they both need each other.