Basement Access

Because of the crazy driverless lorries, the pavements are no longer safe, and we are forced to walk along high ledges, parapets and rooves.

My shadowy partner is more fit than me jumping up athletically; I just can't do it.

We decide the other option is to travel through the city basements avoiding danger that way. A special booklet is provided which is like a kind of basement passport.

I don't think it will work - I am sure no-one will know what it is.

Lairy Couple

I'm sitting in the luggage compartment of an old-fashioned train watching a mother and her teenage son playing together in the next carriage. They fight and he pulls a plastic bag down over her head. Their behaviour becomes more raucous and erotically charged. I realise she is not his mother but must be an older girlfriend.

Twigs and Weeds

I am furious with my friend. We are supposed to be driving our flying car but she got waylaid taking instructions from someone with an old A to Z. What particularly annoys me is that I have missed out looking at the illustrations in this rare 1964 edition. There is a small engraving of Lots Road from that time when it was nothing more than twigs and weeds.

A Fine Scooter But How Does It Start?

B has a neat little scooter parked on a steep hill in Chelsea. She can't get it to start or the brakes won't work. We set off and she crashes into an expensive car crushing it. 

Further downhill nothing is working properly. A young lad on another scooter stops to help - you are wearing the wrong kind of shoes, he advises.

The two of them start to caress each other - I tell him to move on which he does rolling sensuously over a youth and his girlfriend.

We Miss The Bus In Malta

I am in -it could be - Malta with a young male friend who is vaguely familiar. We have missed our bus and so are taking a different route on the 38. There are no buses from this small village. The friend pops into a little Italian cafe. Is he asking for transport advice I wonder but no he is speaking in fluent Italian asking for Dorritos (of course he is half Italian himself). I can't quite remember what they are but end up asking for them as well.

A Legitimate Emergency

I am travelling on the tube. A friend jumps on carrying bundles of shopping, "I'm getting out at the next stop for the music shop," he tells me. The shop looks exciting but my friend accidently leaves his shopping behind. As the train departs I mime to him that I will get out at the following stop. Not sure he has understood. There is a huge bag of apples, a sack of other fruit, loads of paperwork and some body building powders. I only manage to drag half of it off. Will I have to pull the emergency cord? Is this a legitimate emergency? It seems so to me but I am not sure the authorities would agree.