Yellow Dress

I get invited to this Roman toga party and end up wearing a lemon yellow nylon nightie and a blonde wig. Too much yellow I think - not very flattering - and the wig changes to black but is inside out.  I am  younger and more muscular than usual. 

Am I safe? I wonder as I clamber through a burrow into the town's library. 

I get the odd look but no-one is really aggressive and the overall feeling is one of liberation.

Psychedelic Trip

We are divided into groups for our sex training programme. The seats are arranged like an IMAX cinema. The lights go off and we feel like we are moving. People scream but I am familiar with this so am not alarmed. Our seats turn upside down- it's fantastically realistic to the point where I start to feel a little on edge. Out of the darkness a full moon appears. As it gets brighter it turns into an image from one of my drawings - how have they done that I wonder? The picture is like a willow pattern but blown up large. Then this turns 3D sprouting white geometric paper shoots until my whole area of vision is filled. The effect is amazing- almost scarey but I am not afraid.

Square Peg In A Round Hole

Two arrogant twins, who shift between sexes and racial background, have just attended a conference but shown no interest in it. They had been allowed in purely as observers - we were wrong to push them towards something that was unsuitable but recognise that they fit another unforeseen role perfectly. The ease with which their new function materialises is compared to drawing a street lamp lighting the branches of a tree, where all the twigs unexpectedly arrange themselves in concentric patterns.

Anarchic Rubber Ball

"It's starting again," my friend says and we notice the rubber ball bouncing wildly around the room. We pick it up but it jumps away and spreads itself all over the floor. There is no point in our scolding it - it only responds well if you treat it with great patience and it has already bitten me once. It slides onto my shoe, forming itself into a string of beads around my ankle. "See how it can actually become attractive," I say. My friend is impressed but as he looks away it edges its way up my leg tightening like a tourniquet. I am guilty of my feelings towards this ball, but it is too badly behaved.

Spiritual Quest

Four men held together by one nightshirt have swum a vast distance without food. Close to death, their faces skeletal, they arrive at a busy port in India. Local people lean over to drag them from the water. It looks like they are going to pull through. Now the sea morphs into a bustling road in the same city. The men are too slow, too exhausted to get up in time and a bus drives over the top of them, crushing them, ripping their bodies to shreds. Life is cheap here.

A New Concept In Hitchhiking

A novel way to hitch round Britain is for one of you to assume the shape of the country and the other to point to where you want to travel on that person. It is agreed this would be very amusing.

The Edited Version

I have just met some enthusiastic teenage students from a workshop I ran a few months ago. Hang on, I say, I have something I wrote about you in my diary - let me copy it out for you. The diary turns into a comic with action hero adventures. I copy the relevant text, furtively editing out the bit about my fancying one of them. As I do so I question the whole process. Why am I giving it to them? Why on earth should anyone want to read these edited notes from my diary?

Uncertain Offer Of Help

Having been warned by my next door neighbour that the council are out to rip us off, I am suspicious of the two men at my door. They are both dressed in white and are trying to gain access. "We are here to help you," they insist. I stand in their way. Now they are naked with parts of their body transparent plastic - they have apparently nothing to hide. Still I do not think I should trust them.

Baby With Unusual Hands

Seven week old Jack has a plaster cast made from his hand. It reveals a middle finger which is much more pronounced than the others. As we study it the number of digits shifts from five to six to seven.

Ignoring The Man Of Peace

Phil Mitchell hurls his son's plate of processed meats into the sink. His friend (who is apparently a peace activist outside Eastenders) reprimands him and walks out of the room, "Don't touch my clarinet while I'm out."
The boy, now about five years older, heads straight for the instrument. It is made of ebony and is a complex hybrid of woodwind, string and horn. Apeing his father's manner, he snatches up the bow aggressively, nearly snapping it in half.
I hear myself saying, "Oh god, don't break it..."