I have wandered out of a big party and am now somewhere in North London near Dalston Junction. How am I going to get back? I am shown pictures of a building with a central tower which is being offered to me for £35000. I can afford that - I am keen to buy it.
Friday, August 29, 2008
I am in a flat with a friend and my old dog Dilwyn waiting for someone to return. I am anxious.
Who or what are we expecting?
We see a figure at the front door window- is this my childhood home? It's Mum , but it's late, and why is she here?
She hasn't knocked. She is on the mobile (she doesn't have a mobile). Her face is heavily made up, with bright red lips. she looks younger, different. glamorous somehow. She has been out somewhere mysterious.
I rush to clear up because the place is in a mess.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
I have learnt to draw a lifetime using one line.
J has just died- her husband sinks into a state of depression.
How can I demonstrate that unravelling the life that has departed will draw in a lifeline, hauling her out of a slump?
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
The restaurant is in grey twilight. There is no real food but a waitress convincingly goes through the motions of serving up a meal. She suggests smells and tastes so precisely that some customers actually believe they are eating.
I go along with this game and make to pay her. It occurs to me that I am possibly being ripped off but I don't seem to mind too much as I enjoy the conversation with her where I describe the dish as tasting lighter than air.
"Did you fold it in on itself so that there were layers?" she asks me, "Because then it is quite crispy."
I admit that I did not and question whether I have in fact missed a genuine experience here.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I have organised a party and in Polish tradition we are each to name a cause for us all to toast. The hall grows to accommodate perhaps 250 people. Music plays and one by one each person offers their particular blessing into the mike.
I have a short text in my notebook that I want to read. It is the reason I assembled everyone in the first place, so I am desperate and excited for my turn to arrive.
I ask for the deafening William Tell overture to be turned down. The audience continues chattering loudly.
"PLEASE...LISTEN," I beg them, "this is such an important message."
And I turn to my book to find the passage, but of course the page is missing.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Pauline Fowler is fronting a Family Values Campaign with other stars from Eastenders and Coronation Street. The downfall of the nuclear family signals the breakdown of society, she proclaims.
She sits on stage and is confronted by an onslaught of challenges: "Isn't it true you believe homosexuality should be outlawed?"
Her head bowed piously she answers nothing . Her silence says it all.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Kev has come back to life again. He has been pleasure seeking around the world and now has a new partner and wants to return home. He looks just as he did when I first met him twenty or so years ago. I am filled with a sense of dread.
Later an image of a death bed - cold and single.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
B has a neat little scooter parked on a steep hill in Chelsea. She can't get it to start or the brakes won't work. We set off and she crashes into an expensive car crushing it.
Further downhill nothing is working properly. A young lad on another scooter stops to help - you are wearing the wrong kind of shoes, he advises.
The two of them start to caress each other - I tell him to move on which he does rolling sensuously over a youth and his girlfriend.
Friday, August 22, 2008
I am stopped in the street by three straight lads, "Come to our party, come on, I'll kiss you on the lips, " one says jokingly.
"OK," I challenge him and he does and his lips are pink and wet and lovely.
We step over piles of dead mice. So many mice everywhere.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
I deliver an improvised speech/sermon on my eating habits and collection of shirts telling anecdotes about each one. I have no trouble entertaining the small crowd until M comes in late hurling abuse at me. She upsets herself more than anyone else and gets little sympathy.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
On my first night at the Friary I meet one of the other artists in residence - a tall man who tells me he is going to spend the two weeks recreating a Brueghel painting. I am about to say I understand where he is coming from but it will not leave him free to experiment or let things happen. As I speak I look out of the window and see a colourful figure- is it Brueghel's Icarus?- flying through the air. Then an angel- "I don't believe it," I say, but there are no wires. To my left a Victorian winter scene appears with a coach and horses - the coachman (Howard from Take That) is wearing shades and laughs as the whole image falls apart.
Monday, August 18, 2008
We are on the run- this woman and I. A corpse is concealed in the boot of our car- not that we did anything wrong but it could all be so badly misconstrued.
Our adventures take us from Surrey into Berlin, where the cops pull us over. We lose them in a noisy procession racing past orgiastic scenes from Hieronymous Bosch - it all looks very appealing but we have no time. Someone offers us a hiding place in South America.
Life is exciting.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
I am sitting on a high stool at an art gallery opening and find myself taking a shit surreptitiously through the hole in the seat. Suddenly I become aware of what I am doing and am mortified. I stand up thinking maybe nobody has noticed but the stench is terrible and it is getting everywhere. Everybody is talking about it. I am very apologetic explaining how this has never happened to me before.
Friday, August 15, 2008
I'm in the wings about to go onstage. My part is insignificant yet if I forget it the whole play falls apart. I frantically check my one line.
"I don't think I ever believe something I can't see," I am supposed to say.
The line makes no sense to me yet I am putting so much effort into quoting it correctly.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
The ice creams at the New York stall are big and heavy and expensive. The androgynous saleswoman asks to see my cell phone and scrolls through my internet contacts and visits. Her eyebrows raise at a couple of them- "There are some surprises here," she says, " the best place for you is the old art cinema in Berlin - the Berlinerkino."
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
I am woken by someone gently knocking at the door. A woman in her late 50's enters with a one year old boy. I climb out of bed and the child grasps my hands. Except this child is so deformed that his whole body is in the form of one big hand. And what a grip he has on me! He holds so tightly! I try to hide my revulsion.
"You will have problems with that grip as he gets older," I say to the woman, "he is only One and already he is unmanageable." Heavy medication will be the inevitable solution, I think to myself.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Charlie, a young male student and I are visiting a huge college. The student is considering applying to study here. Although he has no appointment, he wants to speak directly to the Head, so we follow the arrows to his office. The corridors become more complex, stairs leading up one moment and down the next. Now there are no more clear directions but the naive student marches on regardless. I find myself lagging behind doubting the whole exercise.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
From my window I can see a young man driving a digger through awkward country tracks. An accident happens. I signal that I will bring down my first aid kit but by the time I arrive his hand is bandaged.
The digger is a right off. What should he do?
I think for a moment and say, if you do a runner you will always worry that you will get caught. He decides to stay.
Eventually his boss turns up in a tiny tractor- a friendly old boy who acknowledges how difficult it is to manoever around these lanes.
Saturday, August 09, 2008
"Can you throw us the ball back, Penny?" he shouts down. I'm impressed he knows her name. She tosses it badly so that it lands by my feet. I notice it is old and cracked. I can't go on hiding now- he's bound to see me. I step out to chuck it back although I hate throwing balls because I am so crap at it.
"If you don't mind my saying, Prime Minister," I comment, "playing golf on the edge of a cliff seems a little bit stupid."
Friday, August 08, 2008
Thursday, August 07, 2008
A mundane scene. In the far corner of a classroom N is sitting at a desk. His face is completely covered by a canvas mask. On his right hand is a canvas puppet. Silent and spooky. It is impossible to focus on both the head and the hand at the same time. Even though I know exactly how it is operated, it is the handpuppet whose message intrigues me.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
I have let myself into N's flat and am luxuriating in a hot bath. I hear him at the front door. Do I have to get out to let him in? No he has his own set of keys.
I knew I would not have to move, that I was in the right and the world would bend to fit around me.
I have an image of layers of true stories I have told throughout my life - these are a real part of me and cannot be denied by any bonkers religion.
SORRY I haven't posted anything for a long while. The dreamdiary in Ireland came to a close and I needed a break and thereafter was preoccupied working on Duckie's GAYSHAME.
Read some quote from TS Lawrence about not living your life in the dusty recesses of your nightly dreams but acting out your dreams in your daily life. Sometimes I wonder whether I am hiding away from life by getting so absorbed in my dreamlife but it seems to come out into the light of day quite enough and a blog is as good as any to get that process started.
Got a few ideas for a fresh start here - it will take a while to get things organised and meanwhile I think I might just start reposting dreams as a gentle way back into this peculiar world.