Trapped in Talinn

I am in this strange foreign city with Sal and somehow we got split up. I forgot to take the details of our hotel and haven't a clue where it is. All I remember is "Coca Centrum"which according to the two women in the travel shop just means "cheap hotel".

The Elaborate Birthday Card

Perched on top of a brick wall, C produces a group of tiny puppets that jump, dance and mutate. As a finale they all disappear into a paper bag which then folds itself to form a complex pop-up card with Ronald Searle illustrations.

Feedback For God

I am playing God with another angel sending threatening messages down from the sky. First immediate response from people was that my voice was very annoying and why were there two of us when I was the only one to speak? I feel a bit guilty about this and know that I had droned on too much.

No Sex

A tall young man enters the flat nervously. Ten minutes later he is followed by an equally diffident young woman. Both have come to have sex with me. I am very excited and take them downstairs. Just as we are sitting down, C comes in laughing - it is his flat after all, and he is not budging. There won't be any sex.

Leroy And The Portraits

We have taken photographs of our different body parts. Leroy doesn't recognise his own picture because it is such a small image and he knows that he is the largest in our group.

Buying A Surprise Meal For Two

A man pushes in front of me in the fish and chip shop. He threatens me and we end up in a punch-up. Eventually I get my fish but without any chips, so I punch the man at the counter hard on the nose. I feel very pleased with myself.

Overflowing Toilet

In Tarin's mother's house I go down the end of a corridor to the loo. The floor is flooded and covered with faeces. It is impossible to use the toilet. As I return I notice smears of shit on the doors and the walls. Cleaning up will be a major operation.

Nightclub Design Is Doomed

Simon in a black frizzy wig tells me that I have to postpone the start date of my design work because Billy Joel insists on it.

John Humphries Dies On Air

On the TV news I see major world buildings in flames. Outside my tenement block window everything is burning and there is no-one to be seen. Is this the end? Am I the sole survivor?

Costly Idea

Small learning books that focus on one word each, looking at all the different ways you might use that word. £3 each - expensive I know considering the large number of books required.

The Bigger Picture

Collecting blackberries and wondering how the ones out of reach feel that never get picked.

Package Visit to Buckingham Palace

We have just been hurried through a small gateway into a busy rose garden. Live gnomes are set against giant red and yellow models of The Queen and Charles waving Mickey Mouse hands. It's a crazy place.

W. I. Party in the Tate Gallery

A tatty cord divides a painting exhibition from a party in an East European supermarket. I find Mum and a W.I. friend on the Tate side of the barrier. Mum is in a weird shapeless floral dress. We are both surprised and uncomfortable at seeing each other here.

The Disused Tower

We are climbing down the middle of a tower perched high on a hill. The way is steep and sometimes dangerous. Piles of old pornography lie in dank corners. We emerge finally from a dripping tunnel onto the main thoroughfare.

Mountain of Knowledge

I am climbing a mountain of mashed potato. Dave is following me a little further down.

Someone Must Be In Charge

I recognise few people at this huge college party. Down a corridor I find a grey hall full of tables laden with unappealing food. This is for the organisers. Does that mean me? Is this my party?

Pink Ted and Too Much Alcohol

On a Wild West film set, two young brothers have been let loose and are drinking themselves to oblivion. The youngest boy, just six years old, turns into my smallest teddy, long forgotten. I am not sure he will survive.

The Muscular Dentist

Stripped to the waist, the dentist tells me how beautiful I look, "You remind me of a Yorkshire lass back home ".
He leans forward to kiss me. Images of printer cartridges that need filling come to mind.

Putting Up With Second Best

At the junk shop I ask to buy a metal washing bowl. The shop-owner doesn't have one but sells me instead the bowl from an industrial food mixer.
I'm not really happy with it but say how amazing it is that I can always find what I want in her shop.

Drawing In The Sky

As night draws in, our cloud drawings become clearer.

Flight Across the Atlantic

I arrive in a small yellow plane in Texas, surprised at the ease and speed of the crossing. It looks grubby and familiar here.

Nothing Is Private Anymore

I am part of a demo though I don't know why.
Are the military police after us?
Have the roads been widened specially to allow them to march through the city?

New Garden Gate is Delivered

It is carried into the kitchen where it collapses into wafer thin pieces of wood stuffed with metal cogs and safety chains on padlocks. It is useless, I will never be able to reassemble it.